That's my takeaway from this - to try to kick my own but out of my marriage. As a betrayed, I want to highlight, draw big red circles around and point giant flashing arrows at this vlog, for my spouse. That's not my job. If God wants him to see it, He'll see to it. My job is to point those flashing arrows in my direction, so I can use the light to see my own areas that need improvement. One of those areas is kicking my but to the curb, along with the rest of the waste.
Jesus said it another way- take the log out of your own eye before trying to help someone with a splinter in their eye.
So, here goes- yeah, I may have contributed to his pain, BUT... I can't do anything about what he did, I can't make him think or feel a certain way, BUT I can try to do better myself, accept responsibility for my own behavior then, and now. I'll try to keep my but to myself, and not in my marriage.
The BUT stops here!

Samual,I wrote to you about my wife's stonewalling now I think it took two of these Vblogs to figure it out. Pity party. If you go back to stonewalling I replied with more information after I was told of new information. I Don't know how to get her out of it. To do the work on herself. I asked her mother what reason does she say when she says she wants divorce. Her mom says she says "I deserve to be happy". I also know now for certain as she is not a techie and accidentally for got to log out of messenger and i was able to read up on some of her exchanges with her Energy friends. Not good, "he is just trying to win you back, he hasn't changed" This was due to my wife finally questioning all this shit she has stirred up in her family and the mistake it is to pursue the AP again has left everyone pissed at her except these other Friends. but her friends sent her a link to how to know if your decision is in your highest good you tube link. Then I don't know what her response was but 4 days later it seems she was contacting the AP in our house with my autistic son by her side and my two older boys in the adjoining room to the shared bathroom. I caught her doing this and assertively said if you are going to do that I will not have my kids subjected to that. I said since I cannot force you to leave the house while you carry on your affair I will take the kids and leave to your parents house. That got her attention. but of course she said I was raging when I said it. I pointed out that i wasn't even close to rage. I said if you remembered some of our earlier arguments about her affair many of those ended up with me in rage. I could see the look on her face that she knew i was right and she was wrong. She has even gone as far to say that she doesn't want to lose custody of more than 50% of the kids. Who does that? THe AP is not going to marry her and doesn't want 4 kids and plans to travel the world in two years and move to Peru. This guy attachment avoident i am almost sure. He married a narcissist or so he has told my wife and she cheated on him after 7 years of marriage and never stopped seeing the AP and divorced him. He has strings of friends but no long term relationships since his divorce 8 years ago so the wife says. So she is even saying how she could basically have two happy years and throw away the future with me or have have a long marriage with no joy. I know this is just her talking at that particular point in time but it has the smacking of a huge pity party.