How the Unfaithful Sabotages Healing After an Affair: Shutting Down Do you or your partner shut down out of self protection in the middle of a discussion? If they do, or you do, there’s probably a reason behind it. It’s not always to punish the other partner, but may be due to a concept called ‘self-protecting.’ Oftentimes, when we’re in a discussion that we feel threatened by the tone, content, or expression of our partner, we can self protect and shut down, seemingly walling off the threat - aka, our partner. The unfaithful typically do this more than the betrayed, and without an understanding into why this shutdown happens, it can appear as though one partner is punishing the other, when it may not be true at all. Today, Samuel lays out a concrete understanding on why this may be happening in your relationship, and how to not only help minimize the shutdown, but create space to connect and heal as a couple.