How the Unfaithful Sabotages Healing After an Affair: Shutting Down

Do you or your partner shut down out of self protection in the middle of a discussion? If they do, or you do, there’s probably a reason behind it. It’s not always to punish the other partner, but may be due to a concept called ‘self-protecting.’ Oftentimes, when we’re in a discussion that we feel threatened by the tone, content, or expression of our partner, we can self protect and shut down, seemingly walling off the threat - aka, our partner. The unfaithful typically do this more than the betrayed, and without an understanding into why this shutdown happens, it can appear as though one partner is punishing the other, when it may not be true at all. Today, Samuel lays out a concrete understanding on why this may be happening in your relationship, and how to not only help minimize the shutdown, but create space to connect and heal as a couple.

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Thank you Samuel.

Thank you Samuel.
This is all so true. I am at the stage now , 5 years post first d day, where he has put off processing with me so much, intentionality with busyness, or unintentionally/ manipulation gets so defensive and angry that we can never reach a place of repair or intimate growth. It breaks my heart..again. and now I am left standings at the proverbial fork in the road, wondering what's next. For me, our

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