Q&A How Can I Convince My Mate Not to Contact Her Affair Partner for Closure?

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My wife of nearly 20 years had a 6 week affair. I was devastated beyond words, but have forgiven her. She has been working extremely hard to get over the feelings she had for her AP, but feels like she didn’t have closure. After I found out, she convinced me to let her call him to end it. After that she was honest and told me she texted him a few times after I found out because she was trying to get closure and deal with the pain she was going through of losing her AP. It was hard for me of course, but I wanted her to be able to move on. The last contact she had with him was about 8 months ago and her AP did not respond because I believe he is choosing his family and moving on and knows he has to be done with what happened. My wife is taking this as rejection, but she also is honest with me and tells me how she really needs closure yet and wants to message him again, “just one more time to get closure”. She of course would love to be Facebook friends with him she said and just wants to know how he’s doing. I get all of this, I really do. But I told her I would never support her contacting him, ever, ever again because she has fought too hard to make it this far and it would hurt her and me if she made contact again. How can I convince her that further contact will hurt, not help her? Or do you disagree and if so, why?



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