Q&A How Can I Ever Dare to Be Vulnerable and Trust Again?

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Question: 

My husband and I are almost a year from the first D-Day. He admitted only what was discovered. In December 2018 he confessed everything, or so I thought. He told he had a seven year emotional relationship with younger subordinate, flirting relationships and cybersex, nothing physical, no deep feelings. Seven weeks ago the truth came to light. The long relationship was sexual from the beginning and he was in love with her. He also had sex with stranger he found through an infidelity site. He lied the whole year in marital and individual counseling, bootcamp and EMSO, while I put my everything into them. The year has been full of gaslighting and denial. He acted hurt if I didn’t believe him, and denied things he’d already admitted, and accused me that I’ve forced him to confess things he hasn’t done. I’ve also found out that he has lied and gaslighted me since the beginning of our relationship. This far I’ve been the one trying to connect. Now it’s the opposite, he is remorseful and started H for H, but I no more dare to let him close and be vulnerable. I’m anxious, flooding, rage, and have flashbacks. I question everything he says like a living lie detector. We can’t continue like this. I’m usually a pretty stable and resilient person, but this seems to be too traumatic. How can I ever dare to be vulnerable and trust him again? Is it even wise?

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