Q&A How Can I Get These Constant Reminders Out of My Head?

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Question: 

My husband and I have been married going on 25 years. After 4 months of intuitively knowing that he was having an affair, my husband’s gaslighting led to me feeling extremely paranoid and crazy. I discovered a secret social media account with a picture of him and his affair partner together in his car. Immediately, my paranoia was relieved, while simultaneously my world was decimated. After connecting a timeline of my mental decline and his having an affair, I realized he was communicating with her every day— in every environment, including during our weekend-getaway, while at home and even in our bed—lying next to me. Due to being on chemotherapy, I have spent the entire past 9 months strictly adhering to stay-at-home and social distancing guidelines. My husband, due to his job, has minimally been restricted in the same way. His affair coincided with a tremendous amount of time I was spending at home, and now, everything in my home triggers me! Even his coming home from work causes my heart to race and follows with emotional exhaustion. The holidays have severely worsened this as well. I have a history of complex trauma, which I have actively treated for decades, and was relatively asymptomatic before the onset of the affair. I see my therapist and communicate with him regularly. I don’t know how to reconcile my constant triggers and don’t want to leave my home or have my husband leave either. How can I get these constant reminders out of my head and heart so that I can get to a place where I can move forward?

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