Q&A How Do I Forgive the Affair Partner?

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Question: 

My husband and I are 7 months post D-Day. We have done EMSO and counseling. I am the betrayed, and although I have forgiven my husband for his infidelity, I am struggling to forgive his AP. I do not know her personally, but I have a lot of resentment toward her. Her own husband was unfaithful to her years ago, they divorced, and then she was very aggressive in pursuing my husband (they worked together),ending in them having a 5 month affair. I cannot wrap my mind around how she could hurt someone else in the same way that she was hurt by her own husband! This is so hard for me to forgive. Also, my husband has nothing bad to say about her. In fact, he wishes her well and compliments her confidence and beauty. Honestly, I want him to feel repulsed by her. I do not wish vengeance on her, but it would help my healing and forgiveness toward her if my husband would acknowledge her role in this sin. He says that I should direct my anger toward him, not her, which to me, feels like he is defending and protecting her. Will my husband ever see her for who she is and be repulsed by her since she is a part of the sin? I really do want to vertically forgive her so I can let go of the hold she has on me, I just don't know how to get there when my husband sees only the good in her.

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