Samuel, you spoke eloquently and from the heart and I listened clearly. Thank you.
I am going to insist that my partner listens also and that you inspire him to see the need to really connect. I want to move on from my anger, disgust and hurt that I feel toward him and feel safe (possibly for the first time). I can't do this on my own, he has to really work at it too. I have spent 3 years trying to 'forgive' him but you have answered some of my questions as to why this is still impossible.