Q&A How Do I Get My Mate to Shelf the Marriage Issues Prior to Infidelity until after We Heal?

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Question: 

I can’t get past looking for information to understand my husband’s affair, which he says was purely physical. I can’t accept that it could last so long without some emotional bonding. My questions are perceived by him as bludgeoning. I get angry through hurt and pain. He gets angry through frustration. We both shout. I feel that he has no right to be shouting when i have so much pain to work through. I assume that he is being defensive and making excuses eg he thought I didn’t love him and he knew he didn’t love me. He told his affair partner that he was not sexually attracted to me and that I had let myself go. I heard all this on tape. All i can hear is his defensiveness and I think he has had enough and cant take any more flooding from me. I cry often. I feel alone in my grief. I need him to shelf our problems before the affair until i can put the grief behind me.

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