Q&A How Do I Help My Mates Triggers?

To watch the video please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
To watch the video, please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
Gain unlimited access to over 1,800 articles and expert Q&A videos.
Already a Recovery Library member? Log in to listen to the full recording.


My wife has access to my email and viewed it recently. She read a spam message (sexual in nature) that was genuinely spam, generated by some sort of bot and clearly addressed to several recipients. No doubt bc of my past actions, she can't see beyond it and believe it somehow involves me acting out. I've explained it in detail and she is unmoved. How might I handle this?



RL_Media Type: 

Ripples from that stone (infidelity) thrown into the pond

As a fellow betrayed; I feel for your spouse. We too have faced something similar.

I work in IT and am posting my understanding here to help others:
The reality is that the spam email, adverts etc generated by bots are based on historical behaviour on the internet. All of our clicks feed into various algorithms resulting in 'relevant'/similar content being displayed to us at a later date - days, weeks, months and years later.

This I know and it still hurts me when I see content like this sent to my spouse...it's a painful reminder and one that I need to process and chose to forgive, again.

What helped us? On his own accord, my spouse installed several content monitoring software on his devices so any new/current clicks on unsuitable content is flagged. This allows me to know that any inappropriate content that might come up is likely a result of that painful history.

What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
Take the Affair Analyzer

Free Surviving Infidelity Bootcamp

Our experts designed this step-by-step guide to help you survive infidelity. Be intentional with your healing with this free 7-day bootcamp.
I would highly recommend giving this a try.
-D, Texas