Q&A How Do I Know If My Mate Is Being Honest When Discussing the Affair Partner?

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My husband had a 6 month affair with his high school girlfriend. He claims it was 100% about affirmation when he was feeling extremely down on himself and he never felt in love with her, yet he was somehow able to compartmentalize and feel no guilt until D-Day which he claims he still doesn’t understand himself. To say I did not think someone like him would be capable of this at all let alone without feelings attached is a gross understatement and I’ve spent countless hours trying to wrap my head around how compartmentalization works. I am haunted by what I’ve read about affairs with first loves being more intense - plus there were constant messages between them that would suggest they felt they were in love. He claims this was purely button pushing to get the affirmation he wanted – like a video game. I know I cannot ever fully understand but it just seems so bizarre that something like this could just end like that with zero grieving or confusion about what it was about for him. We’ve just finished EMS Online. He is working hard and we’re making progress despite my disbelief but it would be so much easier if I could just believe him once and for all. He has voluntarily admitted to other very painful details yet remained consistent and strong on this. Can it really work like this?



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