What Is Rewriting History in Healing from Infidelity?

Samuel shares insight into the tactic of 'rewriting history' and how to recover from it.

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Thank you Samuel. I have

Thank you Samuel. I have never felt so validated about what I was feeling! I believe God brought this video to me at the exact moment I needed it.

Thank you!!! The rewriting of

Thank you!!! The rewriting of history is quite traumatizing! Even after EMSO a few months ago we had an argument the other day and he is back to rewriting history and justifying what he did. I don’t believe he is truly sorry. I believe he feels that what he did is an appropriate response to his unhappiness.

Finally ready to let go! It feels like living with a psychopath or liar when they rewrite history. It’s really sickening to see how delusional some people are.

Thank you for affirming this in your video. This has helped me tremendously.

you're very welcome...

thank you for posting.  i'm sorry for the pain you're in my friend.  i know it's a lot to sift through. 

 

This is great validation.

I think my UW fits into the category of rewriting history without knowing (or maybe without believing) that she has. She doesn’t use the rewritten history as a weapon to purposely hurt me or gaslight me, but, at least on a subconscious level, she definitely uses it as a justification for what she’s done and her continued ambivalence, lack of empathy, and failure to love. I feel it is essentially a defense mechanism for her that allows her to avoid shining a critical light on herself and her own brokenness. She will say that she is responsible for the affair, but quickly turns to talk of my failures as a husband.

We are about 2.5 years out from D-Day and about 20 months from the end of the affair. It might just be wishful thinking, but I think I still see her making progress in lowering her defenses and developing empathy, however it is agonizingly slow.

We currently have divorce proceedings in progress, but still live together with our four children. She is the one who filed for divorce, but is not in a big hurry to complete the process and I refuse to be the one to move it along.

Is there a timeframe for this where we essentially pass a point of no return? Can the rewritten history become so ingrained that it can never be overcome, even with expert help? After the length of time that I’ve been dealing with this I feel like maybe I’m grasping at straws, but I still am not ready to give up on keeping my family together.

Also, you mention 90% of US rewrite history and only 10% of BS rewrite history. This tells me that there is only 1% chance that my wife’s version of our history is correct (she’d have to fall in the 10% of WS that don’t rewrite history and if have to fall in the 10% of BS that do). I assume these percentages are just estimates based on your experience?

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