Q&A How Do I Move Forward and Continue with Recovery?

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Question: 

I’m three months past discovery of my husbands affair, with a friend. Last night while doing our exercise in EMS Online, he said he felt convicted to tell me something. He said he has hidden a habitual problem with lust for other women, and has for our entire marriage of 26 years. It is more than looking and noticing an attractive woman or girl. He has thoughts of wanting them sexually. I also learned that he has watched porn “From time to time”. I fear is is more than he’s letting on. I’m devastated and feeling like I have never known my husband. This makes me feel unworthy, not chosen and ask why I haven’t been enough? All of this, as I’m sure every woman who lives with a sexually addicted spouse, feels. We live in a college town where there are scantily clad girls everywhere. It is an unlimited candy store for any man. I need some real, practical advice on how to accept this. I feel I am now forever faced with worry every time my husband leaves our home. Will I ever be able to go out to dinner again and feel he isn’t scanning the room to feed his fantasy? Knowing that I haven’t been enough to satisfy him, in our entire relationship is another indescribable hurt that is my new reality. I am angry that I am the age I am and I will no longer feel safe and secure with my husband in public. Please give me and us some steps for moving forward. I fear my anger, pain, and paranoia will sabotage the recovery process.

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