I am the unfaithful spouse, and it has been almost three years since D-Day. We went through Hope for Healing and Married for Life, both helped rebuild and restore. My husband has said he’s grateful we stayed together and fought for our marriage. We even welcomed a son. I know that we are blessed and I am thankful. But despite all of this progress, I am struggling deeply. My heart feels disconnected from my husband, detached to the point where I’m emotionally checked out. I feel miserable, unseen, and unknown. There is little emotional intimacy, and while we function as a couple and a family, it feels hollow. I long for real depth—for someone to share my heart with, to feel truly known and safe. My husband doesn’t know how to go beyond surface-level conversation and connection, because of his personality, upbringing, and trauma. He tries and cares, but doesn’t know how. He resists personal therapy. We are in marriage counseling, but it hasn’t touched the loneliness. The ache has only grown heavier with time, and I find myself slipping into despair. I feel starved for love and connection. I’m desperately lonely. I swore I’d never relapse after the devastation of my choices, but I feel vulnerable to relapse behaviors and have already started making SUDs. Affair Recovery changed my life and I learned so much. I know I am responsible for my own faults and am not innocent in all this, and I don’t blame my husband solely. I don’t want divorce, and I don’t want to betray again. How do I move forward from here?