Q&A How Do I Respond to the Disconnect between the Two of Us?

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I am very angry and I am totally responsible for that anger. The conflict arises between my spouse and I usually as a result of his passive aggressive words and actions towards me. I lash out and he remains in control of his emotions. He is cool and shames me for not being in control and for my use of foul language, name calling etc . He called a timeout on me yesterday when my bpm was 93. He is the unfaithful, I am the betrayed. There are days when I wonder why I remain. I see no emotion that I recognize from him, he does not look at me when talking to me, he does not romance me, it has been almost 10 years since we have had intimacy. When I try to talk to him, he thinks ahead of me; not hearing what I am saying and usually interrupts with his interpretation before I have finished speaking. Because of him not listening to me, he assigns his meaning to my thought, creating conflict because I feel unheard and dismissed. I may have married an automation, it feels as though the responses I get from him are the suggested empathetic responses from our EMS course and he has no original responses that convey care and empathy. The more we get into our work with EMS, the more I recognize limitations on his ability connect with me and his self-centered perspective. What are your thoughts?



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