Discovery was over 2 and a half years ago. Since then my husband and his affair partner have been unable, or unwilling, to break off their emotional entanglement. Over this time my husband and I have been living separately, but going to couple counselling to try and heal our relationship. Many times I hoped we were starting to get somewhere, but my spider sense always told me otherwise, and so I've constantly felt unsafe, and for good reason. Every few months I’d check his phone and discover he’d been telling me lies. He regularly told me they were not in touch, when it turns out, in fact they talk every fortnight, and recently he admitted to having phone sex with her only 3 months ago. I was devastated and once again I felt like an absolute fool. The affair partner was a good friend of mine and he says he is finding it difficult to disengage from her. I have developed a hatred of her. It’s so unlike my character and it deeply hurts me to feel this about another person, but I cannot seem to change it no matter how I try. What makes matters so much worse, is that we have to work together - we all play in the same band, and regularly have to share the same space, go on trips, and play concerts. She makes my husband and everyone else laugh 1 and I find it very difficult to join in, so I end up feeling isolated and full of triggered thoughts. My husband says my hatred of her makes him want to run a mile from me, which hurts all the more, but I understand, as hatred is indeed an awful thing. It hurts my soul and I feel tremendous shame about it, but I don't know how to stop it. I just feel so trapped and don't know how to deal with this situation. In these circumstances, when I feel so unsafe and threatened, how do I stop feeling such hatred towards his affair partner?