Q&A How Do I Tell My Unfaithful Spouse I Need Access to His Devices to Feel Safe?

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I'm a multiple abuse survivor - stemming from childhood, so I don't trust easily. My partner actually helped me out of an abusive relationship in 2019. He lived in a different country and we did long distance, I found myself fully trusting him. I never questioned where he was. On 3 occasions, I did go through his phone without permission. In March of this year I discovered he was having an affair, then in June of this year I found out it hadn't stopped. He is saying he has trauma from my "snooping" through his devices to discover his affair, so for the last 6 months I've been waiting for him to allow me access. He did end the affair, because I had told him if he went back to his home country I couldn't stay married to him, so now he is in the process of obtaining a green card. We are about to finish EMS Online, he is in Hope for Healing, I'm in Harboring Hope and we're both in individual therapy. How do I tell him that I need free access (as he has with my devices) in order to feel safe or we will have to go our separate ways? Do you think this is fair of me to ask?



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