Q&A How Do We Handle a Paternity Test for a Child Born Years Ago?

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I met my wife in the summer of 2013. Five months prior, my ex had a child with her husband, there was a chance the child was mine and I found out through analysis that he wasn’t. 5 years later, my wife and I got married, my ex, now divorced, contacts me to tell me that the child is mine and I am to tell NO ONE because he already has a dad. We had an emotional affair for the next 4 years, mostly of me trying to help her stay clean from meth abuse so that she can care for the child, as I now feel some sort of responsibility. My wife discovers the affair, I tell her about the child, she tells me to have a paternity test done. I buy one and ask affair partner’s mother to have it done. They refuse because they don’t want us in his life or messing with their lives. My wife wants me to have a court order done to find out the paternity of this 10 year old. I don’t see any reason to do this, the mother has lost custody and this could possibly take his dad from him as well. I couldn’t be a part of his life either way according to his parents wishes, according to his mom. I don’t feel as if my wife cares about the collateral damage this could cause. What should we do?



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