Q&A How Do We Navigate Forgiveness with outside Parties?

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Question: 

I am a participant in the EMS Online program, where we have reached Week 9, Forgiveness. I am the wayward spouse. I just talked to my wife, who is having a very hard time with this week's lesson. I want to be there for her, but I am unsure how I can help, other than saying that I understand her pain and that I am sorry. The issue that is difficult for her, I suppose, is to forgive those who were part of the betrayal. Not only the affair partners, but also the bystanders who have facilitated the betrayal and were part in the cover-up. My wife has this nagging feeling that these people had conspired, or had watched and not intervened, or had even made fun of her while I had betrayed her trust. Of course, it is painful for me to see her in so much pain, but this is not the point. What is important to me is that I want to be there for her and comfort her, but I am unsure what to do, as I cannot arm-wrestle other people into making amends, and even if I could, should I? So the problem is one of outside parties. How can I make her feel better about these people? Is it up to the unfaithful spouse to intervene with outside parties? Or is my job to simply be there for my matter and let her process the grief? Or is there something else I am missing?

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