Q&A How Do You Recommend I Write My Closure Letter to the Affair Partner?

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My wife is asking me to send a closure letter to my affair partner. It was a deeply emotional affair and lasted on and off for over a decade. There has been no contact between myself and the affair partner since D-day, over 7 months ago. My wife says she needs for me to acknowledge to the affair partner directly, that it is over and I chose my wife over her and completely regret my relationship with the affair partner. I want to provide security and affirmation to my wife but I feel hesitant to abide by my wife's desires and say certain things to the affair partner. I am afraid because these things are not fully accurate and may cause the affair partner to act out. I am fine saying "It is over" and "I have chosen my wife". But to say "I completely regret my relationship with you and see it as only despicable"...that feels too much for me to say. I know it was wrong and hurtful, but I had deep feelings and love for the affair partner. I feel disingenuous to write that and also I am afraid it will upset the affair partner and she will act out. But at the same time my wife feels it is something she needs and I want to be there for above all else. I am confused, please help.



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