Affair Recovery: Understanding the Need to Detox from an Affair Partner

Samuel discusses infidelity and how to detox from an affair partner.

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SA Detox

Samuel

Would you address what detox looks like from the SA point? Typically SA's have all of the mentioned behaviors including long term affairs. Long term affairs are they different for SA's especially since our ability to bond with anyone is severely lacking/non-existent even? So often our acting out looks the same as other types of affairs (when looking at one piece) yet for SA's there is a dimension that is very different. Is there a way for you to speak toward this type of detox?

Questions about detoxing

I have a few questions that came to me while I was watching this video. If the unfaithful is bonded with the a.p., can the unfaithful still love and be bonded to their betrayed spouse? How can the betrayed spouse believe the unfaithful loves them? Why should the betrayed spouse choose to stay with the unfaithful if they were in love with the a.p., when they had such strong bonded feelings for them and can the unfaithful fully love and cherish their betrayed without inference from the a.p.? Meaning, does the a.p. reside in the unfaithful's heart next to their betrayed spouse or can the a.p. eventually be relegated to the past and be gotten over completely? Last question, as the unfaithful is grieving and detoxing from the a.p., are they also grieving the loss of what the marriage was, like the betrayed spouse is now grieving, the loss of what the marriage was, what they had and the happiness they had shared?

My UH told me he wanted to

My UH told me he wanted to call her to check in.. Said he was sharing his feelings. I told him he couldn't.. It is an addiction.. Later that day he left saying he didn't think we could work through this. Is this normal reaction. Said days before that he wants our life to be back to normal. Our sex is good. but thinks about her a lot.. I get it.. but I don't.. Is it normal to dislike me during this process?? What should I do just let him go and contact her??

i think....

it's vital you have boundaries.  like, if you do X, then you'll experience Y.  he has to know if he is going to reach back out to her and contact her, that you can't be vulnerable with that and empower it. what you tolerate you cannot change to be honest.  it's normal for him to struggle and normal for it to be muddy and messy, but to allow that creates more drama and pain and wounding in you.  he needs community and support so he can stop reaching back out and acting out.  this course will help him:  https://www.affairrecovery.com/product/hope-for-healing  it would be a game changer for him indeed.  i can't recommend it enough. 

How do you detox?

What are some concrete strategies. My husband confiding in me that he in withdrawal. It hurts as the betrayed. What are some strategies he can use?

What if they work together

My husband works with his affair partner very closely daily. He tries to avoid her and tells her to only email him when possible instead of Calling or stopping by but it’s been 7 months since he broke it off and he is still getting over her. He hates going to work and working with her makes it harder for him to get over those feelings. I hate when I see him down bc that reminds me that he misses her but he says he misses more the feelings and not her. I don’t know what to do. I don’t see how he can get over her when he sees her everyday.