Can You Still Be Friends or Maintain Contact with an Affair Partner?

Samuel answers a viewers question about still communicating with an affair partner after the affair is over.

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Past AP whom i befriended

I confess a multi-period affair with a coworker, the initial affair took place 15 years ago, it stopped and relapsed 2 years later, then it stopped again and relapsed 4 years later and finally ended, however i maintained as friends with my AP, then my wife got very suspicious and finally i confess my sins.My spouse is sure that it didn't stopped since the begining. And now she's thinking about initiating a relationship with another man. How Samuel, how can i convince my spouse that i loved her and most important, that it wasn't a continuous affair? I'm pretty lost here.

Work Related

What if they were co-workers? The affair ended (year long) 2012, but continued working together for another 6 years, before betrayed found out through full disclosure.

Can you still maintain contact with AP

My 62 yo spouse has a baby with his 27 yo affair partner and so has to maintain contact with her for visitation. He texts her to confirm time and place, always a public place so far) and either she or her boyfriend (also older and married) whom she was having an affair with while she was having an affair with my husband brings the baby. How do I navigate this situation?

Baby involved

I'm the unfaithful.. got pregnant.. kept the baby. divorced and then remarried to the same man I just got a divorce from. The first 3.5 years were incredibly tough. The father chose not to see the baby. He and I both knew the damages that it would cause us both. And it did. I met with him a couple of times to talk about the child when he asked if he could see her and we relapsed with kissing, but no sex.. still a relapse.. still an affair. He finally let my husband adopt her and that was the BEST thing ever. My final closure. I think I can honestly tell you that I have no idea where we would be this very day 11 years later if that hadn't happened. So, I cannot imagine how hard your situation is for you. Man I wish I had some really great advice but... My situation ended up for the best for all of us and I'm so thankful because the could have happens scared me so bad. Now, I will say that it's not over. Meaning, when my daughter is 18 (7 years from now), she has the right to reach out and meet her bio dad and go from there. And then the nightmare starts all over again. But we will cross that bridge when we come to it. Oh the tangled webs we weave. By the way, not only am I the unfaithful but I am newly betrayed too. 1.5 years into "healing." Hugs my far off friend..


I’m so sorry you are having to work through this craziness. I feel for you. I’d need strong boundaries for myself. I hope you can do this for yourself.

So timely...

I am the unfaithful, and we are 19 months past D-Day. I have not had any contacts with my ex-AP in almost 11 months. This video could not come at a better time, as I am going on a biz trip that will take me to where my ex-AP lives, and I have been wrestling with reaching out to her to see how she's doing, etc. My wife and I are in a good place and doing really well, all things considered, and I don't want to ruin that. This video really reinforced this for me. Thank you, Samuel.


Don't do it. Do not hurt your wife again. It will take your wife and her healing right back to D-day and if these thoughts have already come up, I would STRONGLY suggest discussing them with another healthy man before you travel and asking yourself why you even care how she is doing.

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-D, Texas