Q&A How Does Cognitive Dissonance Play out in Affairs?

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My husband takes full ownership of his affair and readily puts himself down for having it. But he often lacks the compassion I need to move forward. His affair started as a drunken one night stand on a bachelor weekend. He continually says he should’ve listened to his inner voice and not have attended the trip. When I ask him to talk about his inner voice that reminded him of me or the marriage he doesn’t want to remember that or talk about. (He told me when they first started kissing he stopped and began crying he couldn’t because he was married.) He said thinking about that part makes him feel worse about himself because he still went through it later that night. To me that’s an important part because it reconfirmed to me that he did love me and he wasn’t that guy just looking for a good time on a weekend away. Is this part of his need to balance out his conflict between what he actually did and how he actually wants to be or feels he was? (We’ve been together 22 years and this was his first and only affair)



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Thank You

We are in EMS Online, which is helping us tremendously. I stumbled upon your post and Rick's video which I believe really speaks to where we may be stuck.
Thank you for the post and Rick, thank you for your wisdom.

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