Q&A If I Decide to Stay, How Do I Trust Again?

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Question: 

I am reeling. We were seven months into recovery of my husband’s emotional affair. Monday, I put my wedding ring back on, made a nice dinner for us and we sipped wine while watching the news. All felt on track to normal. Monday evening, I found my husband doing a Facebook search on a woman from work. By the end of the week, my suspicions were off the chart. His words were strong that he was committed to me and nothing was happening. Friday evening, I found an email thread (he had deleted it from his inbox and also the trash but it hadn’t yet been swept) where there were things said by him like, “Your smile melts my heart.” “You look stunning today.” She even says, “I just remembered my daughter is not coming home on the bus and I’ll be alone.” Our daughter caught the first one and I caught this one and the lies surrounding each run deep and wide. I have now separated everything except our house. He has never done anything like this in 27 years. I feel like he has a mental illness with this willingness to risk everything for these moments of validation. I’m just interested in your thoughts about how this happens and if I decide to stay, how to trust again - the lies and the “truths” use the same words. Thank you.

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