Q&A Should I Give My Mate Another Chance?

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Question: 

I stayed with my husband for 18 years in spite of his immature attitudes and resentments towards two of my four children; we had four children of our own. During the last two pregnancies, there were D-Days: internet infidelity and emotional affairs. Each time I blew up and he’d go away for a few days, only to be taken back. Prior to our last child’s birth, he needed “distance” and moved out. We went to family therapy and couples therapy but never for long. I gave him an ultimatum to move out all the way or marry me. Within two years there was another D-Day, internet-related. We had couples therapy for the issues my then teenage son was going through. Yet the disconnected feelings persisted. I convinced him to go to couples again; he quit as soon as i brought up infidelity, stating it was my problem, he’d dealt with it. Another D-Day occurred 1-/2 years ago, an emotional affair with an adult student. He lied, saying he stopped contact except for the tennis lessons. I worked to try and “woo” him back, in spite of his choice to sleep in another bedroom for the last 1-1/2 years. Last D-Day was 5-1/2 months ago. This time I asked him to find someplace else to stay, and he’s going to IC, but he seems impatient for me to take him back. I am reluctant to fall prey to this situation again.

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