Q&A Should Our Son Know the Affair Partner's Name?

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Question: 

Rick, My husband's affair ended one year ago this week. We have three children who know about the affair, and they know it was with someone at work (because they live with us and it was impossible to hide all the trauma). Our oldest is a 14 year old boy and he is very curious to know who it was. He wants a name. Here is the thing: My husband had a very fun job and worked with a lot of people. The children were often at his office and certainly do know the AP. In fact, they have been to her house and were there when the affair was happening. My husband thinks he will spoil their view of their positive experiences of his work by naming her. Conversely, I think that if our son asks an honest question, he deserves an honest answer. I think without him knowing, a shadow is cast over everyone and everything and that knowing can narrow it. I'm not trying to put you in the middle of a martial disagreement. What I am looking for is some expert advice on this topic. I really don't know what the right thing to do it. I think both my husband and I are trying to do the right thing and coming up with different solutions based on different perspectives. Please assist.

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