Q&A Should We Wait to Discuss the Affair and Work on Ourselves First?

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Question: 

My wife had an emotional affair with a consultant she works with. It has been about 4 months since I discovered their relationship. I confronted her and asked her to maintain marriage boundaries, but she failed to do so. She appears to be slowly distancing herself from him, but seems to lack any self-awareness of the damage she has done. She is very cold and abrupt with me, as if I'm to blame for it all. We are in individual counselling, but have each been funneled towards dealing with our personal issues. We have been instructed to not discuss the affair issues yet with each other. Does this course of action sound reasonable to you? Do you have any suggestions for the way forward?

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