Q&A Should We Wait for the Limerence to Subside before Seeking More Restoration?

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Question: 

We are 16 months past initial confession. Multiple discoveries, with last major discovery "truth day" 1 month ago. We are 3 weeks into my husband returning to the home under "in home separation" after a 10 month separation as he says he needs to be home to help with the no contact. He had 2 affairs with the latest spanning 7 years. We have been to EMS Weekend, completed BEMS, he has done H4H. While participating in all he was still contacting and seeing the affair partner. I am having trouble with trying to connect while he is still deeply emotionally connected to the affair partner. It is intensely painful to try to connect in anyway when he is thinking about the affair partner. He has stated how hard it is. He thinks of her often and misses her greatly. The biggest barrier, I have learned, is that he doesn't recognize the difference in marital, life long love, and the infatuation love which is what he has constantly sought. The first 2 weeks of him being home I tried to connect, be light hearted without heavy downcast moments. I can't maintain this. Is it best to keep a bit of distance and not try to rekindle things between us until he has less thoughts of the affair partner and a more clear mind for us?

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