Q&A Is There Hope for My Husband in Recovery?

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We are 18 months in and I never thought ambivalence applied to us because my husband was clear about wanting the marriage and chose zero contact with the affair partner despite the limerence and physical affair. I knew about his use of porn before marriage but disclosure revealed that he went back and forth with porn during our 13 year marriage. When I draw a clear line and tell him I will not be in a marriage with pornography he chooses the marriage and says he wants to respect me and not look at it. So I choose to stay and pray and focus on my own recovery. However, he tells me his view that pornography is not a big deal and that I should not take it so personally and only a physical affair should be called infidelity. I have taken your advice and stopped trying to convince him. We did EMS Online one year ago but that was something I wanted and he did it for me. I did Harboring Hope. He thinks Hope for Healing or talking to another man would be a waste of his time. He doesn’t think any of those men feel what he is feeling because of the particulars of his story. I think he is stuck in shame and guilt because his fall was so public and hurt so many. Is this some sort of denial phase? Maybe speaking against pornography is hard when it has provided so many feel good moments over the years. Is there hope?



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