Overcoming the Shame and Moving On

In this video, Samuel shares thoughts on how to face your situation however dark it is, to find new life and healing after an affair.

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Friends now look at me as if

Friends now look at me as if I did something to cause my husband's infidelity. They act like infidelity is contagious. I no longer have any real friends. I have isolated myself because I am so embarrassed by what he did. Shame follows me everywhere, even in the frequent nightmares I have. People judge me for staying in a marriage in which I was emotionally and physically abused and in which he deceived and cheated on me for 20 years. I feel like a big zero because my husband didn't think I was worth love and fidelity...and later on after discovery, honesty in full disclosure ( I was drip fed info over a 3 year period)...now I'm supposed to be over it and we are supposed to move on and let shame go. Exactly how do you let it go? It keeps reappearing with me....i just want to disappear from everything and start over somewhere new where nobody knows me and nobody knows that I was I unloved and apparently not worthy of fidelity and honesty in my husband's eyes. I wear shame like a dirty Tshirt ....and it has "Unworthy and Unloved" printed across the front...even when I'm "present", the shame is still there like a little dark cloud hovering over my head and following me around wherever I go.

Dear Karen58,

Dear Karen58,
AR has taught me these insights: the infidelity/ betrayal was about self seeking acts for the unfaithful to find selfish pleasures. Let the unfaithful's behavior speak columns about them , their choices and only them. You did NOT cause their behavior; you can NOT control their behavior and you can NOT fix or cure their behavior. You are worthy; you are loved and you are important to God.

Hi Karen, I too have been

Hi Karen, I too have been horribly betrayed and understand how you feel. I feel like the city we live in isn't big enough for the both of us, and that the last 22 years have been a farce. I wonder what compels you to keep trying and why you should wear the shame. I'm guessing you wear more than he does. I've had this type of pain for the last 2 years and another day of it is too long. I can't waiit till my ex gets the letter from my lawyer telling him I want a divorce. Don't disappear because someone elses will was imposed on you. The most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself and if you believe what you're saying to yourself, how will you thrive and survive.

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