What Do We Do with the Pain Created by Infidelity?

Samuel shares insight into how to manage the pain we experience due to infidelity.

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Pain and anger

Other than the pain of knowing they've inflicted serious damage to their relationship and caused their partner severe pain, what pain and anger does a cheating spouse feel? I'd love to understand the other side of this. I'm angry at ny husband for not telling me he was unhappy, for not confiding anything about what he was feeling to me. Knowing he's been intimate with someone else over and over causes so much pain that sometimes I can't breathe. Now that I know what he's done, he feels remorse and he is sad that I'm hurting, but they were his choices that brought us here. He made his choices fully aware of what he was doing. i could understand remorse over a bad decision, but an affair isn't a decision - it's a choice made over and over to cheat and to lie. It's a lifestyle. How can someone be genuinely sorry for something they spent a long time doing? You can be sorry you stole a candy bar, sorry you lied about it, but once you're done it over and over you have accepted that it's ok. So why the pain and anger? How can he even be angry with himself since he was pursuing his own desires? if a cheater is being honest, don't they need to admit that it was exciting, rewarding and fun, and that they knew it was wrong (hence the lies and secrecy)? Who can they possibly be angry with? I feel compassion for my husband because he can now see the hurt in my eyes and those of his kids. He's not a bad person but he chose that every step of the way. This is why my username is confused. I'd love to forgive him and be able to move forward but I can't see how that's possible.

What type of affair was it?

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