Both me and my spouse had affairs the summer of 2021. We have focused on my betrayal during EMS Online because we thought mine was "worse". I have put almost my whole spare time into understanding why I cheated and it took around 3 months to get out of denial and to accept and own the fact that I am unhealthy. I have spent 100’s of hours watching videos, doing counseling and reading books to understand my own dysfunction and I keep working. However, up until now I have pushed away the pain from his infidelity and now it hits me like a rock and I can't deny the pain anymore. My spouse has not realized his own dysfunction, and not even been curious or desperate to find out. He didn't bring up his own infidelity in months, and still to this day, I am the only one who brings it up. For around 1-2 months now, I have tried to make him "get it" in different ways. I failed miserably, it just feeds his defensiveness. I see the denial, his inability to identify his own risk situations, and his self destruction. He has agreed now to start doing the unfaithful exercises for EMS as well (8 weeks in). What do I do when my partner is in denial about his infidelity and I cant bring it up without him slapping me in the face with his defensiveness?