Q&A What Is the Next Step for Me?

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Question: 

I’m in a codependent relationship with a covert narcissist who has betrayed me. Over 40 years, and I’m just seeing the light. . 9 months since the most recent D-Day and he’s only sometimes kind; there are still jabs, judgemental looks, underhanded remarks, manipulation, diminishing and gaslighting. I’m slow in quietly and firmly defending boundaries. So new at loving myself and seeing my individuality and worth. He says I’m the most selfish person he knows. Says he’s staying around, and doing EMSO ONLY to not further harm the family. Says it’s Not for me. Says maybe God will help him adore me one day. I’ve lived away from home more than half the time since d-day because neither of us have been safe enough. He is more calm now, but avoiding me a lot. I moved home so we could do EMSO and talk more. We are talking less. We have a pile of adult children and grandchildren. I’m learning I can live with or without him. But I take divorce and it’s consequences very seriously. I’m learning the importance of forgiveness for my health and relationship with God. My H had an affair early in our marriage and trickle truthed even into this longer more emotionally involved affair which I discovered. I am learning to rise above his behavior and live my life. I can trust God, but not my husband. I can RELEASE my husband to God, but I struggle with any sort of relationship with him.

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