Q&A Where Does Self-Love Fit in to the Process of Recovery?

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Where does self-love fit in to the process of recovery and living in a healthy relationship? You say that love is really focusing on the best interest of the other but self-love seems just as important. I am a betrayed spouse. My husband and I are currently doing EMSO. So far, there are many areas where my husband just can’t be there for me—he’s not able to partner with me when I experience a trigger or reminder, he is not really able to express his feelings about his infidelity, I do not sense great remorse on his part, he is having a lot of blocks in showing empathy. It is frustrating and very painful to be hoping and waiting for him to show empathy and remorse the way I need when he simply cannot at this stage. I am learning over and over that I have to stop looking to him for the things I need to heal because he simply cannot give me those things right now. I am learning that in the end, the only one who can heal me is me and God—that we must be the loving and empathetic presence I need. My healing, in the end, depends on my ability to love myself. How do you distinguish self-love as different from self-centeredness? How do we balance loving ourselves and loving others especially when what we may need for ourselves is at odds with what our partner may need?



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