Q&A Why Is My Mate Reacting This Way?

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My husband shows little remorse over his affair. He's ended contact with his AP, is doing EMSO and has changed in incredibly positive ways. But he seems like a brick wall when I bring up the actual details of his affair. It's as if I am talking about what someone else did, not him! He's given me a 'global' apology for what he's done, but, when I talk to him about the pain of the detail e.g arranging to meet her whilst we were on holiday in a country neighbouring hers or praying for her salvation in church whilst holding hands with me, he shows no sense of 'How could I have done this?', 'I'm so sorry for hurting you like that!', 'What I did was insane/ wrong/ stupid!' He doesn't want to remember the affair or relive it - this has nothing to do with not wanting to rekindle his feelings for his AP, but is to avoid 'being put on trial'. He says he wants to focus on the future and move beyond the affair - although he committed to working on my healing when I'm stuck. He doesn't understand my need for him to say sorry on a regular basis as he feels that God is responsible for and capable of healing me. But his lack of remorse simply leads to me over dramatizing what he's done, shouting about it and seeking evidence to make him see the reality of what he's done. Why is he reacting this way?



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