Q&A Why Is the Wayward Spouse Questioning My Fidelity?

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Question: 

I am the betrayed in the marriage. An unresolved issue in the marriage since D-Day 2 1/2 years ago has been my own fidelity being questioned by my husband. I am frustrated because I have been completely faithful in my marriage. It’s often insinuated that I am hiding something and that I would feel better if “I just came clean”. I feel like I’m being punished for his decisions to have multiple affairs and I’m beginning to seriously resent him. Recently, we have fallen off on our recovery. We’ve been disconnected which is a huge trigger for me. The last few months have been awful. I’m truly at my wits end. I basically gave him an ultimatum that he continue with recovery by attending Hope for Healing and individual counseling or I would file for divorce as I feel very unsafe in our current relationship. He gave an ultimatum in return, demanding that I take a lie detector test. A part of me thinks I should just do it and put this accusation to rest once and for all. The other part of me is completely pissed off (for the lack of a better term) that I have to be subjected to such humiliation to prove that I’ve been faithful. This is very unfair to me. I’m suffering so much from his affairs as it is but to be constantly accused of having my own affair is just too much to bear. What is the best approach?

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