Have you ever wondered if you or your partner is a narcissist? Or a sex addict? This may surprise you, but being labeled a narcissist or sex addict are two of the most over-diagnosed labels that inexperienced therapists utilize in the mental health field. What if you or your spouse just have narcissistic traits - how do you deal with that, and what is the difference? How do you survive not only infidelity, but also addiction and narcissism, within your specific scenario? The good news is, there is more hope than you can imagine to find healing and save your marriage after infidelity and/or addiction. Even if you or your partner struggle with narcissism, the road ahead is not impossible. Today, our alumnus Samuel interviews Sharon Rinearson, a true expert therapist with over 27 years of experience specializing in infidelity, narcissism,...
Of all the questions asked regarding infidelity, none are as elusive as, "Why?" What someone did, where they did it, and how they did it are simply facts. These are questions about what happened and, while one may not believe the given report, the answers to these questions are definite and comprehensible.
Find guidance to healing after infidelity with EMS Online. This course is comprised of expert methodology honed from decades of experience exclusively in the field of infidelity to better serve couples as they address the betrayal, reconnect as partners and...
Shame: A Pervasive Cancer of the Soul Part 2: Coming Soon, October 15!
This past March, about 13 months after our D-Day, my husband suffered a ruptured brain aneurysm that landed him in the ER for emergency surgery. After his surgery, he spent 14 days in the ICU fighting for his life. Brain aneurysms usually have no symptoms until they rupture, and when they do, the survival rate is less than 50%. Needless to say, those 14 days were a very scary time for him and for me. While he was in the ICU, my husband was struggling with immense physical pain, fear of his own mortality, uncertainty about any permanent damage, and protecting his family while feeling helpless. Worst of all, was the isolation of the COVID restrictions, which only allowed one visitor per day. During this time, he needed me to be...
Every safe and healthy formerly unfaithful spouse eventually comes to the realization that mere "I'm sorries" just aren't enough. Restoration takes time, gut-wrenching effort, and expert help. Without any of those variables, the repair process can seem absolutely impossible. The good news is, there is a way to heal and survive cheating of any kind in a relationship, where both parties are committed to the process. It's a tough conversation when the unfaithful spouse is told they must embrace their consequences if they are going to have any future with their betrayed spouse. Questions like "should I forgive a cheater?" and "can I survive this awful cheating" can be answered when an unfaithful spouse is willing to embrace their consequences and be safe for the betrayed spouse's anger and pain.
Harboring Hope...
There are so many painful words that flood our minds following betrayal: Hurt. Stupid. Angry. Deceived. Heartbroken. Lost. Humiliated. Duped. Blindsided. Gullible. Used. Tricked. Embarrassed. Shattered. Disgraced. Ashamed. Crushed. Afraid. Numb.
All of those words are so painful, but there are two words that cut me to the core - not enough.
People compare themselves to others for a variety of reasons across many areas of life. The reasons for comparison may sound different on the surface, but mostly they are all pointing toward determining how much we feel we are worth. Less than this person? More than that one? Whether it is not getting the promotion, being picked last in gym class, or just your standard "keeping up with the Joneses", we are constantly measuring our worth, our okayness, using the yardstick of those around us.
As humans, we also like to categorize. Our brains want...
Some of the worst battles I've found myself in have been with my ego and self-shaming tendencies. I've learned, after countless sleepless nights and awful bouts of depression, that we cannot 'self-shame' our way into healing, restoration or wellness. Hating ourselves will never move us to a healthier place. We may lose weight. We may develop a healthy new habit or excel in the gym, but in terms of finding our more mentally and emotionally balanced selves, we will fail miserably. Believe me; I've tried and failed more times than I can count. Freedom is found through compassion and forgiveness, for ourselves and of course, those who have hurt us. The ego, while more obviously complicated for the unfaithful side to navigate, can also be agonizing for the betrayed spouse to wrestle through, in unexpected ways. The good news is, when we begin to...
The foundations of any healthy, life-giving marriage or long-lasting relationship are built in humility, compassion and self-sacrifice, (just to name a few). The antithesis of these is something called “destructive entitlement.” Believe it or not, after the disclosure of infidelity or addiction, one or both spouses can feel destructively entitled to various ways of handling the pain, trauma, and of course, perceived abandonment and rejection. The truth is, most marriages can be saved after this life-altering disclosure. The other half of that truth is that not all spouses are willing to do what it takes to see the marriage or relationship healed and restored.
When a spouse or partner falls into the trap of destructive entitlement, the foundation of repair work crumbles rapidly. For restoration to thrive after infidelity, both parties must...
“Somewhere along the way in my own journey, I realized I was abandoning myself. With help from a few infidelity experts, I came to a realization that me sacrificing myself was not going to save the marriage.”
The above quote is from a woman I spoke with recently, who wept at the realization that she had abandoned herself in an attempt to save her marriage. While she was constantly trying to do whatever it took to save the marriage, her spouse was not all in. He wasn’t even half in, if you will.
For many who are trying to save their marriage, the thought of losing their significant other is excruciatingly painful and traumatic. But, one party’s efforts alone cannot save the relationship after infidelity. Along the way of...
Part 1: How to Reengage Part 2: The Importance of Cherishing
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It takes most couples two years of hard work to sort out the trauma in the body, heart, and mind after the revelation of an affair. While you are on your healing journey, the experience of being together sexually can have a different meaning for...
The affair happens. Maybe the betrayed spouse knows something about it, maybe they don't. In my case, I was very much aware. I asked him about it. Pointedly. Directly. Repeatedly. He lied. He told me I was "crazy," "paranoid," being "ridiculous." He would not tell me the truth. I knew it. He knew it. He knew that I knew it. But, no truth was to be had and we were at an impasse. Maybe you can relate.
Time passed. After an excruciating season, the affair eventually ended. Life went on. We both pretended all was 'normal,' but the secret remained between us, a wall that could not be penetrated and would never fall on its own. We had some good times and some bad times. Life seemed normal. I slowly started to let down my guard. I started to soften toward him, and I wanted to get closer. It felt like we were starting to reconnect and I became hopeful. Then "it" would hit me again, and in my mix of fear and hope I would...
What Type of Affair Was It?
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