I am writing this as I sit on a flight to a sunny destination with my husband; the same man who has courageously fought to give our marriage another chance.
So much has changed in our lives over the past few years. We have aged. We have toughened. We are different now. The innocence we once had is gone.
Yet many things about us remain strangely familiar: our quirks and idiosyncrasies. One example of this, is that we are not sitting together on our flight. It baffles me how I can never seem to quite remember to check into Southwest Airlines early enough to get decent boarding numbers. My poor family doesn't even realize that families can sit together, because I can't recall a time we have ever been in the A boarding group. My husband smiles and knows this about me,...
Samuel shares practical insight into why the unfaithful hesitates to give details about their affair.
Samuel interviews MJ Denis on understanding multiple disclosures and how to help the betrayed spouse move forward.
When you begin sorting out the mess of infidelity, life gets complicated. As an unfaithful female, I started to question all interaction I had with the opposite sex following D day. I honestly considered at one point, that it might be easiest to just convert myself into a nun so I could avoid men for the rest of my life. If that is what would make me safe, I would do it!
Some of the questions we wrestled with early on were: Can I work with men? Is it safe for me to have a male therapist? Can I be alone with men? Are phone conversations safe with men? What if the neighbor or UPS man comes to the house and my spouse isn't home? How do I respond to one of my children's male coaches if he texts me about practices? What do I do with the preexisting male friendships I had...
Samuel shares key insight into changing patterns when one spouse seems to be the pursuer.
I was reading through many of my journal entries during the first year after discovery. I have several journals that are stuffed with scribbles, thoughts, and pages of raw and bloodied emotion. As I thumb through the hundreds of pages, I can see the narrative of God slowly eradicating my shame. When it came to my betrayed husband though, the theme of my writing seemed to revolve around a feeling of frustration and desperation.
Early on, I seemed obsessed with trying to ease his pain and fear by searching frantically for some way to show him I wouldn't hurt him again.
Pages were filled with repetitive questions and thoughts like:
Samuel interviews Rick the founder of affairrecovery.com on defensiveness and how to remedy it.
Samuel discuses an important recovery tool for those who deal with anger in repair work.
Samuel discusses gaslighting and both the betrayed and unfaithful spouse.
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