My name is Karen Baker, and I'm the graduate counseling intern at Crossroad Counseling and Associates, where I am supervised by Rick Reynolds.
In this video, I will lead you through a short, guided meditation. Experiencing a betrayal is a profoundly traumatic experience. Your whole self can become completely dysregulated and flooded at a moment's notice. If you can't follow along now, bookmark this video to listen to at a later time when you need help coming back to the present moment and feeling more grounded.
I invite you to take a moment to pause this video and adjust your space.
Find a comfortable seated position in which you can relax and...
One of the hardest lessons to grasp in the journey towards healing from betrayal is realizing your inability to control the path your wayward mate takes. This is particularly counterintuitive for those of us who have dedicated our lives to growing relationships and a family. We have invested our time and energy in paving the way for our loved ones to succeed and be happy. We have cared as deeply for our partner and family as we have for ourselves. Our life has revolved around their safety and growth.
We must be careful not to burn out or overextend ourselves in the service of others and to take good care of ourselves. This is a reality we may not like. However, denial of that reality will not change it, no matter how ardently we wish things to be different. We need to respect our limits to remain healthy. The desire to overextend, however, is very normal when those we love are struggling.
This truth suggests the brilliant work of Dr. Robert Weiss in his seminal book, Prodependence. As he defines it:
Hello. My name is Laurie Bryson and one of the roles I have at Affair Recovery is that I get to be part of the three-day EMS Weekend intensives that we offer both in person and virtually.
One of the most misunderstood concepts in the journey of recovering from infidelity is the concept of abuse.
Today, I'd like to help shed some light on this concept in a way that can help you navigate what you're dealing with in your relationship.
For those of us who have made it through to the other side of recovery, I can assure you that none of us want to go back to the first weeks and months after the discovery of an affair or some other type of infidelity. The "wild, wild West" barely begins to describe how primitive and intense...
To Tell or Not to Tell…Our Friends and Family
People struggle with the decision of whether to tell friends and family and, particularly their children, about the infidelity that occurred in their marriage. For some, the ugly truth comes out before they consider it. Sometimes, kids are collateral damage in the ensuing chaos, overhearing or directly witnessing the arguments and drama by parents overwhelmed with their emotions.
I’ve heard both sides of this dilemma declare with certainty that their perspective is the only right choice for one reason or another, but I’ve also heard people regret how they handled it and wish they could go back and do it differently. Some feel it is inherently wrong and deceptive to keep a secret like this within a family, and the truth should be shared no matter what, while others argue there are no circumstances in which children should ever learn of their parent’s betrayal, even as adults.
In my time spent on the Affair Recovery forums, I have heard from many people whose children learned of the infidelity amid the discovery alongside the betrayed...
Freedom begins in a community of “me too” people, people committed to helping you carry your burden. ~ Sheila Walsh
When a person experiences a loss or tragedy, those around them often offer support differently. People say things like, “Let me know if you need anything,” or “I’m here for you.” This can be genuine and well-meaning, but to the person amid crisis or grief, they’re not especially helpful. That is passive support, meaning if the grieving person comes to me and asks for something specific, I will provide it.
Active support looks like this: “I have two hours free on Tuesday evening. I’d like to bring you dinner and babysit your kids. Would that be helpful?”
Both offers are genuine and well meaning. One is more helpful to a person who is overwhelmed and in crisis.
Caring people often don’t know how to support a person in crisis. We don’t know what is helpful, so we extend this open-ended invitation for that person to identify their needs and then reach out and...
In my private practice as a psychotherapist of almost 20 years, I've seen firsthand the devastation, pain, and havoc infidelity causes. But I've also been able to witness the strength and resilience of couples who choose to work through this crisis, and sometimes other wounds from their relationship or childhood years, and then go on to rebuild a relationship that they had only previously dreamed about.
If it weren't for the transformation that I get to witness firsthand, I'd probably be still teaching middle school math or even before that, selling computers. For the wayward spouse, understanding how to create a safe environment for the betrayed spouse is crucial for healing and moving forward.
And this week, I just want to explore a few strategies to foster a safe...
As I first ventured into the world of betrayal recovery, I listened to several experts advise against asking too many questions and getting too many details about their spouse’s betrayal. They cautioned that the details can be damaging and cause lingering intrusive thoughts. The predominant advice is to stick to the basic information of timeframe and generic summary of events but otherwise to steer clear of anything that could be considered a question related to comparison, like physical appearance, body type, specific sexual experiences, etc. The advice was that these things don’t serve to promote healing, and it is better to keep them unknown. (A list of suggested questions to consider asking instead can be found here.)
Not asking for details is very sound advice, and if that works for you, I agree that would probably be best. It made logical sense and I really tried not to want to know. But that is just not who I am. My perspective may not be the same as yours or anyone else’s, but I found myself needing to know everything. I couldn’t live with my husband having any lingering secrets with the...
Today Rodney and Angela will share with you an original song written from Psalm 23. Find a quiet place, close your eyes and listen as they testify of the Shepherd’s provision, peace, protection, presence, prosperity, and promises. In spite of the pain and trauma of infidelity, we can find solace in the arms of our mighty God as He holds us in His comfort and care.
In this episode, Rodney and Angela celebrate 26 years of marriage, and 10 years of their new “Marriage 2.0.” By God’s grace, they have walked through the valley of the shadow of death, and have come out with a testimony that we have no reason to fear, because we are never alone in the Shepherd’s care.
Below is information taken directly from our Harboring Hope1 Online Course.
"Bad marriages don't cause infidelity; infidelity causes bad marriages." - Frank Pittman
If you've ever joined a support group or been to see a counselor, you may have heard others talking about "codependency." The term might be unfamiliar to many individuals recovering from betrayal. It can be extremely confusing during a time when someone is in desperate need of support. Codependency is one of those terms that can cause people confusion, shame, and humiliation. The truth is that codependency is not something someone should feel shame about, but it is very important to understand it.
Join...
Hi. My name is Rachel. Infidelity not only impacts our relationship with our partners, but it also affects the relationship we have with ourselves, as we're grappling with a new reality that we didn't expect or ask for.
We may also notice some negative messages, words, thoughts, and beliefs about ourselves. This inner bullying voice only seems to add more pain to the stress, emotions, and trauma that we're already navigating. This voice may tell us things and remind us of all of the ways that we've failed, missed warning signs, or red flags. It may even tell us that we weren't enough to keep our partners satisfied, or that we're never going to heal through this.
The way...
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