A good friend of mine, and fellow betrayed husband (yes, we met at an EMS weekend), coined it best when he said, "This isn't highs and lows; it's chutes and ladders." All of us on this journey have experienced the hope generated by progress. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, the bottom falls out and in the moment all hope seems lost.
I am now 16 months out from my first D-Day, 9 months from my last, and if there is one word that can describe the spot I seem to circle when the chutes open underneath me, it's "disorienting". I understand what happened. My wife is doing the hard work of self-discovery: linking childhood abuses to her adulterous behavior, showing empathy and remorse, leading classes, and attending volumes of counseling. I have grown from someone who was convinced that I had never met a shrink who didn...
Samuel shares a significant pointer for the unfaithful spouse trying to win back trust.
For Hope Rising 2018, which is now available On Demand, one of our Survivors, Laurie, wrote a beautiful and profound Apology Letter delivered to the betrayed men at the conference. Samuel in turn delivered a version of her letter to the betrayed women. Since the conference, we have been flooded with emails requesting a written or recorded version. We are happy to be able to share these powerful words with you today:
When I began thinking about writing this letter to you all, and considering what I wanted to say, God impressed on me to set...
Samuel shares insight into three recoveries that have to be addressed when healing from infidelity.
Today in counseling I was stunned by a concept I’ve heard most my life. Similar to the old quilt that covers our bed, I became so familiar with it I no longer saw the depth of beauty in it.
My counselor asked me how I felt I was doing at “feeling my husband’s pain”. He has a way of asking a simple question and patiently waits for me to take as long as I need to respond. Having been a counselor for over 40 years, he sees right through me and my crap most days.
How am I doing with handling my husband’s pain? You mean the pain I created with MY infidelity?
In the silence of that moment I found myself wanting. I wanted to say that I’ve tried to feel it. I wanted to justify all of the ways I’ve tried to be sensitive and aware of him. I wanted to defend the times I’ve spent the past year trying to be safe for him in his pain. But none of those words came out. Instead I sat and squirmed. More silence. An awkward, heavy, deep-in-my-chest feeling came...
Samuel shares insight into the tactic of 'rewriting history' and how to recover from it.
Samuel discusses the common question in recovery; are we too far gone to be healed?
Samuel discusses a trap many unfaithful spouses fall into in recovery.
Samuel shares a controversial but powerful approach to finding true healing.
Samuel shares insight into how to forgive the affair partner after the discovery of infidelity.
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