How the Unfaithful Can Win Back Trust and Safety When Dealing with Infidelity

Samuel shares a significant pointer for the unfaithful spouse trying to win back trust.

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Thank you again Samuel. As a

Thank you again Samuel. As a former unfaithful I know it took me longer than a few weeks to figure this out! At EMS weekend I felt I had a good handle on the why and an understanding of the damage I had done. However, it wasn't until feeling desparate and doing Hope for Healing that I truly began to see all the layers and parts of me I was still blind to, or at least minimizing. Letting go of the outcome was key to my healing and continues to be the key in learning to take responsibility for my actions.
Thanks for all you do to give back and help so many.

thanks for the comment candice

such a great comment.  thanks for sharing your insight.  i'm so glad you've seen the layers and are working through them.  i was blind and minimizing so much it was awful.  i'm so glad you're doing better and seeing things differently.  thanks for sharing your insight.

 

Mixed Signals & Confusion

Hey Samuel - I can relate to many gems in this video however my significant other is giving me mixed signals. I'm a female unfaithful and I disclosed 6 months ago. My betrayed is still very angry. He has behavior similar to some of Samantha's that you mentioned (showing no signs of wanting to repair, informing me he is thinking about leaving...etc.) He said he needs time to heal from the hurt and to forgive me. In this video, you mentioned the unfaithful has to do repair work without participation from the betrayed and to also show the betrayed you are willing to do whatever it takes to repair. I've been going to therapy solo and he has mentioned he can see the behavior shift. However, he says he doesn't fully believe it's authentic b/c it hasn't been tested. I have two questions - When I verbally express and my actions show that I'm willing to do anything to fix the relationship it seems as if I'm coming off as "desperate" and this "bending over backwards" seems as if it's a turn-off to him, how can I gauge this? Also, when I adhere to his wishes he gets angry and that leaves me puzzled. He told me we were communicating too much, I gave him some space and his passive aggressive behavior showed me that he in fact didn't like the space. How do I determine which emotions to cater to? The mixed signals make me feel defeated and if I'm not "getting it".