How do I get over the fact that I am completely utterly disgusted by anyone who would even THINK about cheating, let alone actually do it? My husband had ZERO sense of values or morals in order to even talk to another female in secret… let alone go as far as driving hours to MEET her and have sex with her and so on and so forth for years. And to lie to my face!
Honestly in my opinion, I think cheating is worse than murder, because at least murder is a one time, five minute crime of passion where-as lying to your spouse over years and years is something you do daily, repeatedly.

I am 14 months from D-day, trickle truths, defensiveness, blame-shifting and avoidance was what I got for the first 7 to 8 months. In our 23 years together, the dynamic we had was centered around my wife’s mood, mental health and work/life stress.

I do sincerely recognize that her emotional immaturity, and self-centered behaviors stems from childhood and early adulthood trauma, and I do wish her all the best in life to heal and grow for herself and our kids.

I acted in love, in care and in the understanding of that in the past, at the same time her dishonesty and betrayal continued. I reached a point where I had to stand up for myself and distance my self from her damaging behavior , that effects the kids, me and our marriage. I will never claim that the marriage was perfect, or I didn't make many mistakes along the way, we all do. But willful deception is extremely different, unloving act. While love and validations are demanded from me. I now dont believe there was enough that I could have done to fill that void in her, which she expected me and the marriage to fill.

She had an emotional and physical affair as a response, after many years of different betrayals, now how can I keep myself motivated or think about rebuilding when I feel that my once "saint like" patience is very thin. I am I being stupid to remain here so the kids don't get hurt or have life long trauma? When is it enough because my wife isnt able to be self-aware yet?