Q&A How Can I Stop Thinking About HIS Affair Partner?

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Question: 

Samuel says in a post titled "But Why Are They Thinking About Their AP?":

"Somewhere around the one and half year point past D Day, Samantha was thinking of my AP more than I was. She was comparing herself, wondering if I was thinking about my AP when we had sex or even when we were just having fun together. I really wasn’t, but she was convinced I was. It took time and strategy and some tough conversations to get through it.".

It is 6 months since d day for us. we are in counseling and my husband is doing everything possible to help me recover from his 2 1/2 yr affair. I have difficulty with comparison too. he says he doesn't compare but I guess I really don't believe it. he was with her for so long and saw her 2-3 times a week, talked multiple times a day , etc. How can he not think of her? I imagine to myself that if I had sex with someone else and my spouse it would be very difficult not to compare one to the other, especially physically. I constantly wonder what she did sexually with my husband. I just can't get past this. I constantly fight thoughts that I am not like her, not thin like she is, not fun enough, pretty enough, don't play golf like she did, etc. my husband says this is not true but I guess I just don't believe it. I think he had to have been disgusted by me during the affair and it makes me so ashamed. Please share the strategy samuel mentioned he used to help Samantha.

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