Q&A Should I Share my Temptations and/or Failings with my Spouse?

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Question: 

Hi Rick:

We are hoping you can give us some guidance on accountability between husband (unfaithful spouse) and wife (betrayed spouse). As the unfaithful spouse who has struggled with sexual addiction, I’ve completed the three circles exercise, with the off-limits sexual behavior and secret keeping in the inner circle. Of course, if I fall in any of those areas, I will confess to my accountability partners and to my wife. The middle circle has some potential gateway behaviors – things that may lead to me falling sexually if I do them over time, as they lower my boundaries.

Our questions are this:

1. I will be telling my accountability partners if I violate a middle circle behavior. Do I tell my wife if I’ve violated the middle circle behaviors? Will that help us or hurt us?

2. The big question – if I am tempted to violate the inner circle behaviors, I normally would reach out to accountability partners and ask for help. Do I tell my wife that I was tempted to violate, even when I don’t actually do it? Will that help us or hurt us?

We are both looking for guidance (not just me squirming out of accountability :) ).

Thanks

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