Q&A Am I Asking for Too Much?

To watch the video please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
To watch the video, please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
Gain unlimited access to over 1,800 articles and expert Q&A videos.
Already a Recovery Library member? Log in to listen to the full recording.

Question: 

My wife has had 3 emotional affairs over the course of our 7 year marriage. The first was around the 2 year mark. Then I discovered 2 more last year. Each time, she has wept, been remorseful, and sick with herself. After all of it, I still want to be with her. She’s my first love. I’ve tried to forgive, and move on. But it obviously hasn’t worked. Now I've feel crazy and foolish for wanting to be with her. I'm afraid I might be co-dependent. So this time around I laid out 4 things I need to feel safe in the recovery of our marriage. 1. Access to each other’s digital communication (I discovered all 3 affairs on her phone). 2. No secret passwords or accounts. 3. A commitment to a recovery lifestyle. 4. Not being 1 on 1 with the opposite sex. This has created a bit of an impasse. She feels that these 4 things are oppressive and controlling and won’t help us restore our love. She hates feeling controlled, and says that I am constantly looking for her to screw up won’t create a happy marriage. Am I asking too much? Should I really divorce her if she won't do these things? I don't want to be stubborn for the sake of a power control, but I really feel like I need these things to feel safe. What advice would you give me?

Sections: 

RL_Category: 

RL_Media Type: