Q&A Are My Mates Actions a Result of Poor Self Esteem?

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Question: 

We are 9 months into recovery and are both participating in the AR online individual healing courses. My UH is now very remorseful and "can't believe how stupid and selfish" he was in jeopardizing our 40 year marriage as well as hurting me and our family. He always talks about how "it was like a drug" that even though he tried to break things off a couple of times over the 15 month affair, he kept going back to his AP. He said he was at a stage in life where he wasn't feeling good about himself and she made him feel younger and more attractive. And even though he loved me and our marriage, it made him feel good knowing another woman besides his wife desired him. He said he felt like he was also trying to cheat death and old age! I do understand about limerence once you're in an affair but I have a hard time accepting that he doesn't recognize he would have to have a lack of integrity, love and respect for me and our marriage prior to even initially starting the affair. I feel he had other choices open to him yet he intentionally made a decision to break his wedding vows even before limerence got a strong grip. Was his insecurity and poor self-esteem making him vulnerable for an affair or is limerence really that strong?

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