Q&A Can We Reconcile While the Affair Partner is Still in the Picture?

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Question: 

Hi Leslie & John, 3.5 years post Dday. My husband of 36 years had an emotional affair with an employee who still works for him. He refuses to discontinue her employment because “she is valuable and efficient.” He blamed me for his affair, stating he had to do something for fun. He minimized what he did, by saying it wasn’t that bad. Others in his workplace reported their relationship and suspected an affair. It took months to piece together what was happening. My husband says he stopped the unprofessional interaction, but admits they have a connection, purely professional. (there are many flags here!) We worked with 2 different marriage counselors in the past; both said it was not productive and recommended individual work. I recently asked my husband to move out, but he requested we give it another 6 months. He now seems a bit more serious in his efforts, has finally said he understands how he hurt me, and has agreed to continue individual counseling. This has been a very long, painful road. HH has helped me in my own recovery, although the forgiveness and letting go is still a challenge. I am determined to not let this experience define me forever. As I focus on personal recovery, I am questioning if reconciliation is going to be possible. In your professional opinion, do you believe couples can/should reconcile if the affair partner is still in the picture? How does one assess whether or not reconciliation is possible?

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