Q&A Do You Think We Can Ever Truly Move Forward without Him Seeking Any Help?

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Question: 

I’m not sure what to think. It’s been a rollercoaster since D-Day just over year ago, but most recently we’ve been doing well overall. My husband has given me access to his phone and location, although reluctantly, and I haven’t even felt the need to check-in for long time until last night. He is communicating more and much more engaged with me and the kids, but I still feel like there is a barrier between us. I’m working through Harboring Hope for myself, but he doesn’t think he needs to talk to anyone or do any kind of recovery himself. We did your boot camp to determine if we were compatible and wanted to move forward but now he believes his role is to have ended the affair and help me feel safe moving forward by his actions of staying engaged in the marriage. Although he and the AP don’t cross paths daily, they do work at the same company and occasionally need to correspond. Last night I found a work email and was disappointed he didn’t tell me about it, so I told him I went into his phone. He was annoyed that I went into his phone and said that he rather me tell him when I feel the need to snoop or to go ahead and snoop but not say anything to him. He also added, “Well at least I didn’t delete it.” I’m now sitting here feeling guilty and not sure why. I’m trying not to make a decision to stay or go, just a decision to try for right now.

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