Q&A How Can I Set Safe Boundaries in Our Recovery?

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Question: 

I’ve asked my husband to do certain things to make me feel safe and to rebuild trust to which he always has to “debate” or “make sense of” or “negotiate” to a point where I get so frustrated that I tell him to just forget it. For example, when we first started dating I found out that while he was on a business trip he had gone out to dinner with a lady who was in the same industry as him who he considered a friend. I asked him then not to have lunch or dinner with a woman unless he had discussed it with me beforehand to which he promised me - well obviously he didn’t keep his promise and his last affair partner before discovery was a licensed marriage therapist. I asked him again after discovery to help rebuild trust that he not to meet women on his own and that if he had a business meeting with a woman could he take his business partner with him. He is looking for a job and wants to meet with a woman recruiter and feels that my request is now unreasonable. I’m not sure what boundaries to put into place to help rebuild trust and to start to feel safe. Are there guidelines that I can review or a book I could read for “unfaithful partner boundaries” so that I can reassure myself that my requests are reasonable? Also do I need to put them down in writing? I feel like I’m dealing with a 12 year old and that I’m his mother...

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