Q&A How Do I Deal with His Inability to Face What This Did to Us?

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Question: 

I wrote you a question earlier about my husband being involved with a Thai girl and her family. He finally told her there would be no more money and he wouldn't be back in Thailand. She has not contacted him in over 3 months. However, he never told her he was still married and I really have trouble with that, also he blames himself but he sees us as equal victims and defends her all the time. I told him until he sees that I've been his best friend, lover and wife for 39 years and the level of hurt and betrayal to me is much deeper, that I don't think I will ever feel safe with him again. He said that is where we are stuck so it leaves me feeling very unimportant to him. He feels awful about what he did but how can he work through this new stuck point. He has finished Hope for Healing and it did help but he isn't very religious and that part turned him off a little. His group is still doing calls and he says he is going to get back on the calls again but he has had an excuse every week why he can't. I don't know what to say to him anymore. I know I can't control his recovery but every time I try to talk to him that we need a plan to work through this he says you spend too much time on it and I need to spend more. You can't control what I do but I'll work on it this weekend but that never happens. Do you have any suggestions for getting us past this point? He seems content with pretend normal and acting like everything is like it used to be, but I can't do that. If he liked his marriage with me all these years as he says why did he mess it up so bad between us? How do I deal with his inability to face what this did to us?

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