I'm having a hard time growing my relationship with God while I'm around my husband. I made my husband and marriage an idol and believe God used my husband's infidelity to show me this. I was not loving God or my husband the right way. I know that I must put my relationship with God first but I find it difficult while being around my husband. Our relationship distracts me from it and a lot of times distracts me from my own healing. I find myself slipping into pretending normal and avoidance behaviors instead. It's business as usual when I get home from work; we eat dinner, hangout binge watching Netflix and go to bed. We have separate sleeping arrangements, but still have sex and spend weekends sleeping in the same room. I get aggravated because I want to spend quiet time with God and do my healing work, but lack self-control to both saying "no" to him wanting to be with me all the time, and to keep myself out of denial where I find it more comfortable. There is no structure to this separate sleeping arrangement and I am contemplating moving out anyway if he continues with his current job where his affair partner works. I've got to spend more time with God and start grieving my losses; being proactive in Worden's tasks.